Sponge bath it is.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
