Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
