love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
