ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
