Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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