Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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