Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I bet he comes in French.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
