My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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