he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize