True but thats because hes a fetus.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
