btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
