i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
