Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
