Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
