Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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(757): View more from Virginia

if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

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(703): View more from Virginia

I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

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(818): View more from California

At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again

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(514): View more from Quebec

was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch

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