you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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