I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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