he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
