shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
