Nicole vs. Life
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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