you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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