I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
