He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
