They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
