Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
