I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
