not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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