So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
