I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
