You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
