Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
