I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
