She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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