to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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