Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
