I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
