oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
