Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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