i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
