it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
