Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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