omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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