i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
