wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
