somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
are you so shy because you have an std?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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