I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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