How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
