well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
