dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We just shotgunned beers for America
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
