i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
