Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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