some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
