Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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