It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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