3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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