Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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