I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
