did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
