it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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