What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
