This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
