dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
